Now, I know what you're thinking; "FictionFan, didn't you already review the Stitch anime?" Well, yes, I did. And I hated it. And, even though I haven't reviewed much, it's still gotten the lowest score out of everything I've reviewed. (3 out of 100.) But there was one episode that was just so distractingly horrendous, I decided it would be interesting to give it it's own review. And so, I give you, episode 5 of the Stitch anime...You poor, dear things...
First of all, a quick recap. Stitch now lives on a Japanese island with this karate chick named Bella Swa--I MEAN, Yuna, and Jumba and Pleakley also return because...Taco Bell! Anyway, the story of the first season (which is the only season that has a story.) is that there's this magical rock of sorts that apparently "watches over the island" and "grants wishes." I call bullshit on this because it never brings up any legit evidence to show that it actually does so. It does, however, show that it contains a great power, but from what I've seen, I think the stone just contains it, as it can't actually use it because...Well, it's a fucking rock!
But I digress, apparently Stitch wants to rule the universe (for some really out-of-character reason.) using the powers of the stone. But to do this, he has to do 43 good deeds. So, Jumba makes this counter of sorts that Stitch wears on his bottom left wrist. (Because it just looks so silly on him that he really ought to hide it.) And whenever he does a good deed, the number goes up. OK, I can live with this. Even if it probably is some lame ploy to sell toys, I don't have any problems with it. (Unlike the Spider-Cycle in 'Ultimate Spider-Man.' But I've already talked about that.) That is, I didn't have a problem until the fifth episode. And so, the review begins:
So, the episode begins one evening where Stitch, Yuna, Pleakley, and Jumba having a picnic of all Japanese foods, and Stitch makes a wee playful muck up that causes Yuna to start bitching about it and bringing up the good deeds plot point for no apparent reason. It's like, shut the hell up, bitch! It's Stitch! He's a playful, crazy guy! F*cking live with it or go back to looking up his anthro porn pics on deviantART! (Irony FTW!)
Then we see Hamsterviel, the main baddie on the show, spying on them through some sort of hidden camera. He suddenly notices that Stitch has that counter that keeps track of all the good deeds he needs to get power from the stone. Hamsterviel's goal in the first season is to take the stone's power before Stitch, so naturally, he takes interest in it...But maybe too much. See, he immediately states that it's a necessary tool to take the stone's power...Um...No it ain't, dumbass. It just keeps track of his progress. You could do the same exact thing with a pen and a notepad! But nope, he wants that shit badly, now, and so he takes out his new secret weapon; Sparky, another experiment character...Now, one question, how the hell did you capture Sparky?! This is his first appearance in the anime, and it's never explained how Hamsterviel got him! Anyway, he puts a mind control helmet on Sparky and sends him out to take the counter...Of course, it would probably be a lot easier and logical to just tell him to kill Stitch, but that would be a decent evil plan.
So, mind controlled Sparky starts tearing up the town, but no one knows who he is, so it's a mystery that Stitch and Yuna set out to solve. Eventually, they find Sparky in an alleyway, but Stitch thinks he's a "Yellow Ghost"...Until he turns his head, then he recognizes him...You didn't recognize the yellow, football-headed alien with antennaes coming out of his head until he turned around? How many other people are there who look like that? It's like:
Spider-Man: Alright, Venom, this is the last fight between us!
Dr. Octopus: *turns around*
Spider-Man: DOC OCK! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!
Anyway, Stitch introduces Yuna to Sparky, and all the while, nobody questions the massive, purple helmet on his head with the villain's initials in a massive font on it! Is wearing a suspicious, ridiculous hat just something that's "in" over there? Is it like...(Must...Not...Make...Team Fortress 2...Reference...) So, after Sparky electrocutes Stitch, making him fall over, near unconscious, Yuna then goes face to face with Sparky. And guess what? She gets her ass kicked. Well, it's a normal human taking on a super-powered alien. What were the odds?! Oh, but whereas Stitch gets all drowsy and weak when he gets electrocuted, Yuna gets right back up, perfectly fine, and her hair's just standing on end...BULL! CRAP! In the original, Stitch gets electrocuted, falls off a roof, and he just lands on his feet and goes "Naw, bitch!" and takes down Sparky! He can stand up to a lot of shit, and it's already been established electricity doesn't hurt him that much. But here, electricity makes him throw in the towel, while the human bitch with no powers at all just gets a Marge Simpson haircut! And not just her, but Sparky does this to some other humans, and the exact same thing happens to them! I'm sorry, I just cannot buy that normal humans can walk away unharmed from a brutal electric shock, and super powered beings grovel to it. That's horseshit!
But I digress, Sparky flies away...For no reason...You're forgetting the counter, ya dumb fuck! But he comes back later for a rematch between him and Stitch...And when I say "rematch" I mean "sex scene." ...Seriously, go watch the episode, then come back and tell me there wasn't a scene where Sparky stuck his furry, yellow sausage up Stitch's back door!
But outside of that, the fighting isn't really even "fighting" as much as it is the two of them jumping around and glaring at each other, with the occasional light kick or missed projectile.
And then Gantu comes and demands the counter...And then everyone makes a big fuss about it like it's any kind of big deal. Guys, it just keeps track, nothing more. And you could argue "Oh, well, Hamsterviel could steal Stitch's good deeds," well...No, he couldn't. You can't steal credit for doing something just by taking what someone used to record their progress! It's simple logic!
Now, you're probably thinking "Oh, that was just as bad as all the other episodes. Why should it stand out as one of the worst?" Well...We're getting there.
OK, so, Sparky takes the counter, he gets struck by lightning which is said to come from the stone by I think the writer just forgot lightning is electricity so it should really make Sparky stronger...And then he falls over, his mind control helmet falls off, and Stitch gets the counter back...And finds that the number's been set back to 0. Jumba explains this by saying he programmed it as a failsafe, so if it was ever removed, the counter would be erased, "So no one can steal your good deeds." And...Everyone agrees that they have to start over...
Alright, so you may have gathered from that written spazz attack that that point was where I deemed it one of the worst episodes of the series. And if you wanna know why, I have a list of reasons:
1) We already established that stealing the counter would no count for stealing the good deeds, so already that defeats the whole purpose of the failsafe to begin with!
2) YOU DO NOT HAVE TO START OVER! You just lost track on the counter! You had 12! Just write 12 tally marks on paper and go from there! It'd probably be better than having that bulky counter shoved inside you with your spare arms.
3) Even if you did make the first two points somehow plausible, why didn't you bring it up earlier when there was a huge threat of the counter being removed and having to start over! Couldn't you just say that to Gantu and Sparky when they were after it?! Wouldn't that save you all the trouble?! Or are you just a fucking troll?! The whole finale of this episode was completely pointless, you purple, four-eyed fatass!
4) That means that the villain's plan was even more of a waste than it already was! It pretty much means that he just wasted a perfectly good resource he'd somehow obtained!
5) This pretty much makes the counter seem like a piece of crap now! Why have a probably uncomfortable watch that you can't take off when you can do the exact same thing with pen and paper, only a lot more convenient. Heck, Stitch can think like a "super computer." Shouldn't he be able to just memorize how many "good deeds" he's done?
6) That whole little plot twist means that, due to both it's uselessness and the characters' stupidity, this storyline is pretty much back at square one! Not only that, but it means that the whole conflict and plot of the episode was resolved immediately when it was conceived. Meaning that absolutely nothing was accomplished in this episode! Isn't one of the most important aspects of any show that each episode accomplished something of some sort? Plot continuation, character development, revelations, the goal of the episode, SOMETHING! I mean, even in a bad show like Ultimate Spider-Man, a goal is completed and it moves forward! Here, they've just destroyed the entire point of this episode, and quite a bit of the last few episodes! That's almost as bad as in 'North' when the whole film turned out to be a dream! This is the main reason why I consider this episode one of the worst of the whole show! It fucking accomplished nothing and moved the plot backwards more than it did forwards!
So, after all that, do the fans at least get to see Sparky as a recurring character? ...Not really. They establish that he lives on the island now as a hairdresser (To my disappointment, not like a Sweeney Todd hairdresser that kills his customers and bakes them into pies. What I'd give to see Stitch eating a Yuna pie...), but he doesn't appear much after this. He appears once in a blue moon, and usually does for only a few minutes and doesn't do much. If you're gonna introduce a new character, USE HIM, FOR THE LOVE OF ASS! That's another thing this episode didn't accomplish, but only because the writer is about as good at writing as Kevin Cosner is at acting.
*Phew*...Can you see why the episode is one of the worst? Stupid villain plan, inconsistent logic, stupid characters, unsatisfying fight scenes, and most of all, probably one of the stupidest and worst plot twists I've ever seen in any show.
Anyway, tell me your thoughts on the episode in the comments below. Also, if you've seen an episode of this show that you hate as much as I hate this one, or one that's even worse *shudders*, let me know. I may review it too. Thanks for reading.